::black:cloud::

I wrote this yesterday and didn't post it...so thought I would share it today.

I pretty much hate all happy people right now...I really don't want any positive people in my corner today at all. Lol. I know that sounds dreadfully depressing and counteractive but this month has been nothing but let-downs...and feels like it's just been built around monotony and trepidation.

But I know deep down that I need to keep a positive attitude...it's so freakin' exhausting to pretend that everything is OK when it really isn't. 

To be quite honest with all of you, I would much prefer to just leave work right now and hide under the blankets at home and sleep the next few days away so I am not in a state of constant dread.

Anyways...it can just be so damn hard when you feel like you are alone and when it feels like no one is in your corner, positive or negative! Lol. 

My Dad has to go for an emergency angioplasty tomorrow morning...so I am really worried about that...I know that it can be an invasive procedure but one that really benefits the patient and helps them out in the long run. I really want to help educate my Mom and Dad about avoiding the Western diet from here on in...this goes back to that book I recommended a week or so ago by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. I just don't want my Dad to stress anymore...I just don't want both my parents to stress anymore and to avoid health problems that are easily avertible.

So just need prayers there...if you could...

I got two of my case studies back in the mail yesterday...still don't know where my final nutritional research exam is...and I didn't do so well on it. Well, what a blow that was. 

I really worked by gawddamn ass off on those case studies..and I wonder if it were just the two they happened to pick that were particularly shiteous or if they were all like that? How is that possible? I did the tutorials and followed all the instructions...what am I missing here?? 

You can't believe how stressed this is making me...because I am completely at a loss here. I feel like a freaking epic failure. And it's a little difficult trying to {now} rewrite them {with a gawddamn fee} and look for a job and get ready for the holidays and worry about a trillion other little things that are going on right now so November has not been kind to me. 

BUT I have to persevere, right? There are so many others out there that have it a million times worse and I need to be grateful for the things and the support that I do have...
I really need to reach inside myself and find the internal motivation that I seem to be lacking lately...
How do you guys keep motivated? Not just in things like gym and healthy eating...but life in general.

-S.*